i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
