they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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