new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
