he shaved USA in his pubs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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