Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
