I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
