those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
