Jerry, you need to find god
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
