I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
