Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
