I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
