she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
