In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
