Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
