If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
