I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
