my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
