I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
