we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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