i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
