Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
