i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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