ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
not ubering you a puppy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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