remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
