I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
