I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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