Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
