You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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