Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
