Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
