summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
