Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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