just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
