So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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