piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
