I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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