Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
40s are totally the cure
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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