i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
