'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
