I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
