I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
