how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
