i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
