it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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