Define "chronic" masturbator.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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