Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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