i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize