if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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