me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need a beard to bite.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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