I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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