one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
