I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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