On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
