Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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