i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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